Raven
by KChapman010488
Summary: Raven works for Mycroft as a ninja assassin tasked with apprehending criminals too dangerous for Scotland Yard to take on. James Moriarty threatens to topple the British government so Mycroft assigns Raven to apprehend him. However, during the course of the investigation secrets about her and Moriarty's connection to the Holmes family come out and threaten her loyalty to the cause.
1. Prologue

I followed Sherlock into the warehouse with my guard up for potential threats because every time I have accompanied the Consulting Detective to a crime scene trouble followed. I had a feeling this time would be no different but for the time being our task was to look over the warehouse where a man walking his dog found our latest murder victim.

Both Sherlock and I knew that Moriarty was somehow involved because Sherlock's initials carved into the chest of the victim were among the clues left by the killer. However, it was still too early in the investigation to tell if Moriarty himself is the killer or he had one of his many employees kill the poor man on his behalf. If I had to guess, I would say the latter option is more probable from what Mycroft, Sherlock and John have told me about the genius psychopath.

I noticed two things right away the first being that this place is impeccably clean for a warehouse and the second being I could detect an extremely faint odour of iron and bleach, faint enough that someone without a heightened sense of smell would miss it. The smell only confirmed my suspicion that whomever killed our victim did so in the warehouse instead of dumping him here after murdering him elsewhere.

I watched as Sherlock crouched down to examine a few droplets of blood. Why would the killer go to such lengths to clean up a murder but leave a few drops of blood behind? Unless the killer did not clean up and whoever did missed a spot. I frowned in disappointment as I was beginning to think this looked like a copycat instead of a James Moriarty inspired killing. However, something in Sherlock's eyes told me he did not agree and I knew better than to question Sherlock. I would take his lead on this after all, he knew Moriarty better than I did.

I was about to tell Sherlock we should leave and call a forensics team when I heard footsteps approaching from behind us. In a split second, I grabbed the collar of Sherlock's coat and yanked him behind me while simultaneously grabbing and pulling my Katana out of its sheath with the other.

"Show yourself." I snarled at the shadows as I took a defensive stance ready to attack on a split seconds notice.

"Stand down Raven." Mycroft replied in his cool, authoritative voice as he stepped out of the shadows with his ever present umbrella.

"Jesus Mycroft you're lucky I brought my Katana and not my throwing stars or Sai swords otherwise you would be in the morgue next to our victim." I responded letting the tension seep from my body as I sheathed my Katana and nodded letting the elder Holmes brother know it was safe to approach his brother.

"Oh please I knew you did not have Sai swords or throwing stars. My apologies for startling you. I must admit that your tenacity towards protecting Sherlock is impressive." Mycroft replied softening his tone as the fondness that he felt for me seeped into his voice.

"Why? It's what you had Kat train me to do." I said sounding indignant. I did not mean to but it struck me as odd that Mycroft would be proud of me for something he ultimately instilled in me.

"Just because I am the one that got Kat to train you doesn't mean I am not impressed by your valiant efforts as Sherlock's bodyguard. Now how is the case coming along so far?" Mycroft said a smile in his voice as he ruffled my hair knowing it annoyed me.

"A lot of contradictory evidence." I sighed in annoyance as I slapped his hands away.

The elder Holmes brother nodded knowing as well as Sherlock that Moriarty was somehow involved in the murder whether he killed the man himself or ordered one of his employees to do it on his behalf.

I knew it had to happen sometime. My feeling that trouble would follow Sherlock and I to the crime scene was correct. Mycroft's phone buzzed indicating a new text message and I glanced at him and saw a look of fear flash across his face before he was able to mask it with indifference.

I wondered what could frighten the man nick named Ice Man by Jim Moriarty.

"What's wrong Mycroft?" I prodded as the elder Holmes brother quickly typed a response to the text message.

"I have some urgent business to attend to I will meet you back at the office." Mycroft replied as if he had not heard me before quickly making his way towards the entrance to the warehouse.

"Mycroft! It's my job to protect you as well but I can't do that if you keep secrets from me." I snarled. My voice sounded like thunder in the spacious warehouse and caused Mycroft to stop dead in his tracks and flinch before he could suppress the reflex. "Oh god." I choked out as my mind rapidly put all the clues about Mycroft's odd behaviour over the years I have known him together. The clues all pointed to one very disturbing conclusion. "Who abused you?"

"You are out of line Raven so I would advise you to stand down." The clipped tone that Mycroft used when trying to intimidate people caught Sherlock's attention.

"Not when it comes to my family. We are not blood related but you are the only father figure I have and if someone hurt you I want to know about it." I replied unfazed by the obvious threat Mycroft was making because I knew there was no way he or anyone assigned to his security detail could take me in a fight.

I did not know whether mentioning abuse caused the reaction but both brothers visibly paled and Mycroft tightened his hold on his umbrella as he did when distressed. I saw Sherlock stop what he was doing and look to Mycroft with a frightened deer in the headlights look in his eyes and it was obvious Sherlock was expecting Mycroft to do or say something. It was then that I realised what was truly going on.

Rage unlike anything I have ever felt before surged through my body at the revelation that not only had Mycroft been abused but Sherlock as well. I could feel it consuming me and without another word, I turned on my heel and headed towards my motorcycle parked at the entrance to the warehouse. I was on my bike with my helmet on and secured by the time Mycroft got close enough that his sharp, authoritative voice could penetrate through the haze clouding my mind.

"Raven stop right there that is a direct order." Mycroft said utilizing John's advice and using a military voice, which John told him, would bring the soldier in me to the surface.

"I need to go Mycroft." I replied trying to cover the edge to my voice and failing miserably.

"I am not letting you drive in this state. Sherlock take her to the office and I will meet you two there." Mycroft said in a voice that brokered no argument.

I slid back to make room for Sherlock and handed him the key to the bike. He put on the spare helmet and fastened the safety strap tightly under his chin before climbing onto the bike. He took a couple of seconds to settle in before putting the key in the ignition and turning it bringing the bike to life. Sherlock glanced at me in a silent command to wrap my arms around his waist to give me more balance on the bike while I glanced at Mycroft worried about leaving him unguarded.

"I will be fine. I texted my assistant and she is sending a car for me it will be here momentarily." Mycroft replied before giving Sherlock a look that told him to leave before I could get off the bike.

* * *

"Raven that's enough." Kat prodded as she took my blood soaked hands in hers.

"Someone hurt my family and when I find them I am going to burn the heart out of them." I snarled in response having not really heard her through the haze that still clouded my mind.

"I said enough that's a direct order." Kat responded in a stern military voice that broke through the haze.

The soldier in me took hold and I sighed collapsing to the ground no longer able to fight off the fatigue my brutal training session caused. I heard the door open and looked up to see John walk in with a first aid kit and a look of concern plastered on his face. When John crouched in front of me and opened the kit, I felt Kat's hand on my shoulder as a grounding force to keep me from lashing out at John as he treated the lacerations to my knuckles.

"Kat perhaps you should leave us." John said as he used an alcohol towelette to wipe the blood away.

"No she is too dangerous like this." Kat responded and I could just picture the authority oozing from those steely hazel eyes and rigid posture.

"She would never hurt me. Please Kat she is angry with you and your being here isn't helping the situation." John said letting the gentleness return to his voice knowing that trying to order her to leave would most likely end in a very bloody battle.

"Be careful." Kat responded before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

As soon as we were alone and John finished bandaging my knuckles, he flopped onto his back and I joined him. Instantly I felt as if I was still in Afghanistan lying on the roof of a medical supplies truck with John by my side staring at the stars. Tears started spilling from my eyes as the rage that kept me on edge dissipated and the pain took over. When I audibly sniffled, I felt John pull me so my head was resting on his chest and his hand was rubbing my back. I let the soothing sound of his heartbeat and his calming touch bring relief. He was a soothing balm to my nerves. The only one capable of understanding the soldier side of me and the debilitating feelings of failure that came with feeling like I failed to protect Mycroft and Sherlock despite the fact I wasn't even born yet when the abuse occurred. John understood my fierce need to protect those close to me because he had all the same instincts.

"I can't believe I fell apart like this." I snarled and it quickly became evident that the ninja assassin side of me was taking over so I could bury the trauma.

"Raven you can break and I promise you no one in your circle is going to think any less of you. You have two conflicting sides to your personality so it's no wonder you suffer from PTSD." John stated sternly as he rubbed my back harder to bring more warmth and bring back the soldier.

"I need to be strong because it's my job to kill those that pose a threat and protect those who can't protect themselves." I responded feeling the tension in my body as both the soldier and assassin surfaced at the same time in response to my words.

"I know and you are really good at it but you need to have down time where you can look after yourself too. Mycroft and Sherlock are both worried about you and so am I." John responded sounding warm and I realised the doctor in him was in control for the moment.

"I will be fine. Just….just for now I need to stay like this." I sniffled as I tightened my grip on John and squeezed my eyes shut to force myself to focus on the sound of John's heartbeat.

"As long as you need. I am so proud of you and the progress you're making." He said tightening his grip in response.

John's embrace relaxed the trigger wire tension despite the fact we are no longer romantically involved. His embrace made me feel safe in a way nothing else could. The steady rhythm of John's heartbeat was my stabilizer and when I opened my eyes John was staring at me with the kindness of a concerned doctor that wanted to treat the scars no one could see.

It was in that moment that I realised that John protected others as I did and I did not have to be alone in my mission to protect my family. John always was and always would be there, doctor and soldier, to protect the innocent, kill the threats and heal the wounds of the soldiers in his army. It was in that moment that I realised John and I were the same.

"Rest now Raven." John whispered as he tangled the fingers of his free hand in my hair.

"John." I tried to talk to him but he tightened his grip in warning.

"That's an order soldier." The tone of his voice brokered no argument.

For the first time I years I fell into a dreamless sleep listening to the steady drumming of John's heartbeat.


	2. Undercover Day 1 - Meeting Moriarty

***Two Weeks Later. Day 1 Undercover***

I entered the dingy bar where Moriarty asked me to meet him after Mycroft started a rumour that I am a former government agent that went rogue after my return from my second tour to Afghanistan two years ago. I felt utterly ridiculous walking into this bar dressed in a perfectly tailored business suit that Mycroft browbeat me into wearing for my meeting with Jim Moriarty. This suit looks like it is worth more money than this bar makes in six months. However, the worst part about being stuck in this bar waiting for Moriarty to show up is the foul odour of alcohol, vomit and sweat emanating from the horde of people crammed into this place. The smell caused a wave of nausea and the urge to vomit my dinner all over the floor. How Moriarty could stand spending any length of time here was beyond me. I have been around corpses that smell better.

However, despite the appalling smell I ventured over to the bar and sat down on a stool to wait for Moriarty to show up. I put my purse on the stool beside me so it would remain free before ordering a straight up whiskey. As I sat there, I began wondering why I let Mycroft talk me into going undercover. I sighed already knowing the answer but that did not mean I had to like going undercover especially when it required me to sit in dingy bars and associate with a man I would not mind turning into fish food. In addition, there was the fact that while I was undercover I could not contact my "family" unless it was an emergency. That, given what Sherlock does for a living, does not sit well with me but I cannot do anything about it. I simply had to trust that John would be able to protect and care for Sherlock.

I downed the rest of my whiskey in one go and set the glass down on the bar before painfully, due to an injury sustained in the parking lot of this bar, shrugging out of my suit jacket to save myself from dying of hyperthermia. I placed the jacket on the bar and saw the bartender visibly flinch when he saw the large hunting knife sheathed against my side. I mouthed to him that I have a concealed carry permit and he relaxed and went about his business serving other patrons.

I had to bite my lip to keep from hissing in pain when my right hand accidentally brushed against a particularly sore spot on my ribcage. When I approached the thugs who were beating up an innocent teenager, I had no idea that they were black belts in Kung Fu until seconds after one of them threw the first punch. Being a ninja assassin, I had the upper hand but a few of them managed to get some good hits in.

I turned my body on the stool with calculated precision and moved my purse when I heard a man approach me before he entered my line of sight and I saw him dressed in a perfectly tailored navy blue Westwood business suit. It suddenly sunk in why Mycroft browbeat me into wearing this ridiculous suit. When he sat down beside me, I caught a whiff of his extremely expensive cologne, which smelled of coconut and reminded me of my very first assignment to Hawaii after my discharge from the army. I was thankful that it managed to cover up the unpleasant stench of the bar.

"Moriarty I presume." I said making sure to sound indifferent as I quickly raked my eyes over the criminal's body."

"I heard through the grapevine that you are looking for a job as an assassin. I had an associate of mine do a background check and I am quite impressed. What I want to know is what made you turn to a life of crime?" The Consulting Criminal said as he appraised me with cold, predatory eyes.

"It's rather cliché but I want revenge against the government that burned me. I want to burn the heart out of every last politician before cutting them into pieces and throwing them in the Thames." I chuckled darkly as I ordered another straight up whiskey.

"If you joined my network I could help you attain what you want." Moriarty teasingly whispered in my ear as he slid a business card under my hand. "I have moles inside the government." The dark chuckle that accompanied that statement sent a jolt of fury through my body but I knew how to hide my body's subtle reactions even from someone like Moriarty.

"Let me buy you a drink." I said in a stern military voice that brokered no argument as I made a show of putting his business card in the pocket of my expensive suit jacket.

"I'll drink what you're drinking." Moriarty said indifferently as he watched me take a sip from my drink.

"You heard the man a straight up whiskey." I snarled and snapped my fingers at the bartender.

"What happened to make you turn against the government?" Moriarty prodded as he slid closer to me on his stool and tilted his head slightly in interest.

"Someone high up within the government sold information on my unit's whereabouts to Al Qaeda which resulted in the death of eight men. My commanding officer and I were the only survivors of the ambush. When we returned home, my CO tried to commit suicide but I intervened and got him into therapy for his severe PTSD. When I tried to request a meeting with the Prime Minister to inform him that someone in his government sold classified military information to Al Qaeda he had his secretary block my number. However, when I find the person(s) who sold out my unit I will make them suffer." I snarled and lashed out by throwing a discarded butter knife at the wall on the opposite side of the bar so hard that it embedded itself. "I'm sorry I don't usually lose it like that." I hissed in pain having strained my injury. I downed the rest of my drink.

"That was impressive." Moriarty said sounding truly impressed as he downed his own drink when the bartender handed it to him.

"If I wanted to join your network what kind of jobs would I be doing for you?" I said as I turned my icy gaze on the Consulting Criminal and glared at him as if I were a lion about to pounce on a gazelle.

"Whatever I consider necessary but most of time you would be acting as my sniper. I assume you are proficient in firearm usage." The Consulting Criminal responded with an equally predatory look on his face, already knowing the answer.

I knew Moriarty wanted me to demonstrate my skill so I sighed before biting my lip as I struggled through the pain of putting my suit jacket back on. I took a deep breath and waited a few seconds for the pain to subside enough that it did not feel like someone set me on fire. If I was being honest, I was deadly accurate with firearms so I could prove my point in the bar but too many things could go wrong so to me it was not worth the risk. I did not want an innocent person's death on my conscience if something did go wrong. Once we were in the deserted parking lot out front of the bar I reached out my hand for the concealed weapon I knew Moriarty had. He smirked as he handed me his Beretta 92FS. I flicked the safety off and released the clip to check if it had bullets in it before slamming it back into the gun and pulling on the slide to load a round into the barrel. I let the soldier in me take over and before I could really think about what I was doing, I pulled the trigger and fired a single shot that hit the antenna of a car parked on the opposite end of the lot. Point made I flicked the safety back on so Moriarty would not accidentally shoot himself before handing the gun back to him.

"Does that answer your question?" I sarcastically remarked as my eyebrows rose at the smirk on his face.

"My god you are sexy." Moriarty responded his voice rising in pitch with excitement.

"Not exactly the descriptor I would use. Oh, before I forget I brought this for you." I said as I un-clipped the sheathed knife from my belt and handed it to Moriarty. "Think of it as a sign of my respect for you." I said watching as he unsheathed the knife to get a better look at it.

"You are a real ninja aren't you? I thought Sebastian was making that part up when he told me about you." Moriarty responded sounding truly awestruck as he ran the middle finger of his opposite hand over the blade. A flicker of dangerous madness burning in his eyes as he sheathed the knife and clipped it to his own belt.

"I am. Does that change things?" I responded hissing slightly as Moriarty stroked a hand over the injured side of my ribcage.

"No it just means I might have more use for you than I initially thought. I will help you get revenge against those that betrayed you but you must realise that once you become an official member of my network it is a lifelong commitment." He responded the lit of his Irish accent coming through making the threat sound even more disturbing.

"Oh I knew that from the moment you texted me asking me to meet you. I am a lot like you and your nemesis Sherlock I deduce things about other people, which has both saved my life and put it in jeopardy. I am changeable I mostly do what I do for the thrill except this time it is about avenging the deaths of eight men who died because their government betrayed them. Moriarty I am 100% yours to do with as your please." I said making sure to sound firm as I extended my right hand for a handshake.

"Oh we are going to have so much fun you and I." Moriarty chuckled only this time it sounded out of amusement as opposed to malice. He accepted my hand and shook it firmly.

It was now official I was undercover working for a deranged psychopath.

What could go wrong?"


	3. A different Side to Moriarty

I have now been undercover and accompanying Jim to client meetings and jobs for four months and I was rapidly gaining intelligence on the inner workings of his network. I also felt that over the past four months Jim and I have grown closer. I not only understood his network but the man himself and it was frightening how domestic and normal Jim was when it was just the two of us. It seemed like Jim views me as a confidant as opposed to an employee whose sole purpose is carrying out the more unpleasant tasks of his job. However, what really frightens me is how comfortable and safe I feel in the criminal's presence. I felt like I could actually trust him to the point of letting him see parts of me that until now only John knew about as my ex fiancé, commanding officer in the military and closest friend.

Over the four months I have been undercover one thing has become certain in my mind and that is that I am not the only one suffering from severe PTSD. There is severe trauma in the Consulting Criminal's past if the startled jumps and angry snarls I get when I touched Jim without him touching me first were any indication. Then there were the nightmares, some of them so bad that Jim vomits or nearly falls unconscious from hyperventilating so hard.

On some nights when I sense a PTSD episode coming I sneak into Jim's room in the middle of the night when I know he will be unaware of my presence and get into bed with him. I always get close enough that I can hear his breathing patterns and intervene if things got bad but not close enough that we can physically touch.

So far, I have had to intervene twice. After each episode, Jim remained skittish around me for at least two days as if fighting some internal battle before his skittishness disappeared as if it never existed and things returned to normal.

I know better than to confront Jim about his nightmares. I know I need to let him come to me when he is ready and explain on his terms. However, as a submissive I naturally wanted to care for Jim. Therefore, I find it increasingly difficult to watch him suffer in silence because he is too afraid or frightened to open up to me.

The thought also occurred to me that on some level I want Jim to help me manage my own PTSD. I want him to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and intervene when things got bad. I knew I wanted Jim to dominate me not only in our working relationship but also in our private one.

I sighed as I entered my apartment wondering how the Consulting Criminal managed to worm his way into my stone of a heart. I also felt annoyed by the fact that tonight I was going to have trouble falling asleep like I did on every other night I had to do something unpleasant and my over active mind refused to shut down. Today I had to kill three of Jim's men because they were tailing me and caught me visiting Baker Street in a fit of homesickness, which I knew would blow my cover. Because of killing Jim's men I took a 10km run to attempt to expel the negative energy and while I am physically exhausted and in desperate need of a shower, my mind is still active. I shut the door behind me as quietly as I could in an effort not to disturb my neighbours.

Despite my career choice, I did not like killing and tried to avoid it at all costs. I smirked when I caught a whiff of Jim's cologne before throwing my keys into the bowl I kept on the liquor cabinet in the front hall before proceeding towards the sitting room where Jim was most likely waiting for me.

"A word to the wise if you are going to try to surprise someone do not wear cologne that even an amateur could distinguish." I said patronizingly as I flipped the light switch behind me to turn the lights on. I saw him sitting in my favourite recliner and despite the fact he is wearing his expensive coconut cologne his hair does not have its normal slicked back look and he is wearing a simple grey cotton t-shirt and a pair of light blue jeans as opposed to one of his ridiculously expensive Westwood business suits. He looks alarmingly harmless and ordinary.

"You look adorable." Jim teased ignoring my jab referring to the fact that I am currently wearing a damp white sports bra and a pair of black running shorts.

"Yeah well staying fit is part of the job." I quipped as I flopped down onto my couch.

"Raven I want to know what is bothering you and why you killed three of my employees." Jim replied. The teasing gone from his voice and replaced by the voice of a boss demanding answers from his subordinate.

"Jim not now. I am still wired and I need to work through it." I responded sounding much calmer than I actually felt.

"Raven don't test me. You have no idea what I am capable of" Jim warned, as his body became the perfect picture of controlled rage.

"I know very well what you're capable of but I also know more about you than perhaps even your pet does. You aren't going to hurt me." I snapped with clear confidence in my tone. I was beginning to find that the urge to lash out was getting harder to control.

_Could she have figured it out? I would not put it past her she is far too perceptive for her own good._

"Pray tell my dear how do you know I won't hurt you? I am a psychopath after all and hurting people is what I specialize in." Jim said his anger shifting to amusement at my statement.

"Call it intuition but I know that deep down you are a good man with a heart that longs for someone to unlock it and discover its many buried secrets. You are not a psychopath of that I am certain. No, you are suffering from PTSD that is for sure but you're no more a psychopath than I am." I stated taking some of the bite out of my voice when I saw the emotional storm my words caused in Jim's eyes.

"You don't know me." Jim snarled as his mood shifted back to anger. He stomped over to the couch and pulled me to the ground by the front of my sports bra.

"I do because I used to be you and it and it took the tough love of my ex to stop me from going down the same path you've gone down. I have scars just like yours but the difference between us is I had someone to look after mine." I sighed as I took a second to recover from the shock before pulling myself into a kneeling position at his feet. "If you want me to come with you I will willingly go but you're not going to get what you want because despite the fact I am working as an assassin for hire I still have a strict honor code that I adhere to when it comes to my work and the privacy of my clients." I said as I made direct eye contact with the furious man standing above me.

"Tell me what I want to know." I heard the snarl and felt my entire body stiffen in response to a prickle of danger that raced up my spine.

"Jim, stop acting like a petulant child. I will do what you ask of me in terms of the work but my clients and my personal life are not up for discussion." I said wording it to sound defiant.

"I could emotionally destroy you if I wanted to my dear. Shall I completely burn the heart out of you until all that remains is an empty shell?" Jim whispered in a tone that suggested the utmost malice. I could feel his hand come down and stroke the skin at the nape of my neck.

"You can try but you will find there is really nothing left for you to go after. I have seen and done things that destroyed me emotionally years ago." I said in way of a response.

"Oh but we both know that's not quite true." He chuckled darkly as he crouched down in front of me and forcefully grabbed my chin hard enough to leave a bruise. "You can't hide from me my dear." Jim said matter of factly, his eyes so dark they were almost black.

"Oh you have no idea what I can do." I laughed so maniacally that Jim jumped back startled. "You have no idea how fucked up I am." I snarled as I began to shake from the effort it took to suppress the urge to lash out.

It was in that moment that I saw something in Jim shift and his eyes softened and regained some of their chocolate brown hue.

"Raven get up and look at me." Jim said wording it into a direct order.

"I don't feel pain like normal people do." I said sounding indifferent but the tears leaking from my eyes gave me away.

"Raven come here." Jim snapped glaring at me with dark, commanding eyes knowing my soldier instincts would not allow me to disobey again.

"You can't burn what's already burned Jim." I laughed bitterly as I climbed to my feet and walked straight into Jim's arms and let him hold me."

"I know honey shhh it is okay." Jim soothed with a gentle kiss to the forehead. You and I are going to talk about what is bothering you." Jim stated in a hard voice that sounded like a Dom warning his Sub that disobedience was not an option.

"Jim I can't divulge information that pertains to other clients to you." I sighed sounding slightly irritated at having to repeat myself.

"Yes you can because I will not tolerate you keeping information buried that is going to harm you like this." Jim growled as he glared at me with the look of someone determined to get his way.

"Jim…" I said but Jim immediately interrupted me.

"Enough. If you continue to show disobedience I will have no choice but to collar you." Jim snapped as he brought a hard hand down against my backside.

"I would like to see you try." I challenged. Bristling at the thought of wearing a collar.

"Don't test me. We both know you are a submissive and I could have you completely under my control if I wanted. However, I prefer a challenge." Jim whispered in my ear as he turned his head so he could nip at the sensitive skin on my throat. "Trust me honey if you would just submit to me I can make you scream." Jim growled against the skin before biting down hard enough to leave a mark.

"And I could return the favour just as easily." I said defiantly as I snaked my hands under his shirt raking my nails up his back to his shoulders before pulling him closer so I could land a vicious bite to the side of his throat in the same spot he bit me.

"Raven if you don't tell me what's wrong I can't help. We can have sex and I can make you feel good but if we don't address the root of the problem there is nothing I can do." Jim sighed in annoyance. His tone suddenly taking on a serious note as he pushed me back so I fell onto the couch before climbing on top of me and straddling me, pinning both of my wrists down.

"I'm sorry but I can't." I whispered feeling the tension in my body tighten to the point where if he did not have me pinned down I would lash out at him. I wanted so desperately to turn my head away as he brushed my tears away with the pads of his thumbs but the look in his eyes held me in place. "I am doing this as much for you as for me." I whispered as I pulled at his shirt and he removed it revealing a pale, and very toned upper body before carelessly tossing his shirt on the floor and lowering his weight down on top of me. I wrapped my legs around the underside of his backside to keep him in place.

"I will let it go for now but we are going to revisit this topic at a later date. I want you to tell me what you want me to do. Do you want to stay like this and just cuddle for a while or do you want me to completely take you apart and put you back together." Jim said sternly, his voice hard and commanding in response to my unconscious desire for him to dominate me. He let go of my wrists and placed a kiss to each of them before rubbing them to get some circulation back.

"Just stay like this for a little while. I am still angry and I am afraid if we go the sexual route I will hurt you and that is something I am not willing to risk." I replied trying to keep my voice light but I was not fooling anyone.

"This isn't about me if you need sexual release to get rid of the tension than I will give it to you." Jim said his voice hard but not angry.

"Let's just stay like this until we both calm down." I responded as I entwined the fingers of one hand in his short, soft hair and used the fingers of the other to stroke my nails gently against the bare skin over his spine, up and down, with just enough pressure to leave behind red scratches.

I knew it had to happen sometime when both of us were unaware of each other's PTSD triggers but that did not make it any less difficult when Jim hit on my biggest PTSD trigger.

"Tell me about your assignment in Hawaii." Jim prodded locking his eyes on mine when my hand suddenly stopped scratching his back and my breathing hitched as I fought to keep the anger down.

"Jim that is something I do not like to talk about." I snapped my voice going dangerously quite as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on taking deep breaths to diffuse the anger.

"I need to know what happened so if this relationship between us goes any further I know what to avoid when we're in the bedroom." Jim pleaded as he stroked his fingers along the right side of my ribcage in a desperate attempt to help diffuse my anger.

"I can't this is an emotional landmine. Not when you are so close to me and I can easily hurt you. Please Jim let this one go." I pleaded in return as bitter tears started leaking from my eyes as I sat up and hid my head in the crook of where his neck met his collarbone.

"Raven it will make you feel better to talk about it." Jim soothed as he wrapped his arms around me and held on tight.

"I know." I sniffled trying to regain control of my emotions.

"Take your time." Jim soothed rubbing my back.

"Hawaii was the worst assignment of my life. I had only been home from Afghanistan for six months but civilian life was unbearable for me so when the Hawaii assignment came along I jumped at it. Apparently, a U.S. team of FBI agents had tried to apprehend a terrorist by the name of Amir Hussein for several weeks without much success so the Director of the FBI contacted Mycroft and asked for help in apprehending Amir. My trainer begged me not to go saying six months was not enough time to get over the trauma of my time in Afghanistan but I stubbornly refused to listen. Two days later, I boarded a flight to Honolulu with Ryan Marshall, a young man who I trained during his recruitment into the military in Afghanistan. The two of us were under orders to apprehend Amir by any means necessary." I trailed off feeling the urge to vomit as supressed memories of the mission assaulted me causing me to whimper in pain and more tears to fall.

"Raven you're doing so well I'm proud of you." Jim said before placing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"What we did not know was that Amir bribed one of the agents on the FBI team who had access to the details of my mission. As a result, Amir was waiting for us at the airport with several heavily armed men. It was an utter blood bath. Ryan and I tried to fight them off as best we could but Amir's men inevitably captured Ryan and I. Amir's men tortured me first but when I mocked them and refused to give them what they wanted one of Amir's men held me down and forced me to watch as Amir raped Ryan. I had to lie there and listen to the man I had turned into one of the fiercest soldiers I had ever seen scream and beg Amir to stop. I told Amir I would give him what he wanted if he stopped hurting Ryan but he told me that I had to suffer the consequences of my arrogance before he shot Ryan in the head. I blacked out and when I woke up I was back in London in a hospital." I managed to choke out before I felt bile rising up my throat and violently pushed myself away from Jim, falling onto the floor, just seconds before I vomited with enough force to make me feel like my insides were burning.

"Raven shhh it is okay." Jim said panic lacing his voice at the intensity of my vomiting.

When the vomiting finally stopped after what seemed like an eternity I felt Jim lift me to my feet and guide me through the sitting room and down the narrow hallway of my barren flat to the bathroom. I heard him kick the door shut behind us before he set me down on the toilet so he could turn the shower on and find the right temperature. Once he found a suitable temperature, he let the water fill my bathtub. Once Jim made sure there was enough water in the tub he quickly pulled off his jeans and boxers so he was standing stark naked before rounding on me to glare at me, his eyes almost as dark as the nighttime sky, and plant a fierce kiss on my lips that left me breathless. Once I recovered from the momentary shock, I returned the kiss with equal force, which caused him to growl into my mouth. It was obvious to me that he was fighting his urge as a Dom to push me against the wall and fuck me until my voice was hoarse from screaming. When the need for air became overwhelming, we separated and Jim took a deep breath to calm himself before saying in a voice that brokered absolutely no argument

"Strip."

I complied without question carelessly tossing my clothes on the floor before stepping down into the warm water of the bathtub. I braced my hands against the sides so I could lower myself into the soothing water. I did not even have time to turn my head and check what Jim was doing before I felt his breath on my neck as he spoke:

"Shh let the water wash away the illness. I am here and I will not allow anything to happen to you. What do you need from me?" Jim prodded as he placed a gentle kiss to a scar on my left shoulder, one of many littering my body.

"I just want you to sit with me. It is about time that I learn anger is not always the best way to react in situations like this. I can't hide anymore." I said with so much passion that I felt Jim tense slightly before his right hand landed softly on my right cheek and he turned my head to face him.

"I'm right here honey" James said as his thumb caught the tears falling from my eyes.

"I know." I sniffled as I leaned back pressing our bodies together before taking a deep breath and rolling onto my side so I could rest my head against his chest and listen to the soothing heartbeat.


End file.
